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May 21st, 2009

greyias: (ded)
Thursday, May 21st, 2009 02:08 pm
Today's post has been brought to you by FARK.

Things That Nearly Killed Me:

Man's Best Friend...with benefits? (complete with mugshot) - Baaaaaad Furry!

Man offers undercover cop a hamburger in exchange for sex. And they say romance is dead - *chokes on air*

Wolf t-shirt sales up 2,300% on news that wearing one will get you laid within 5 minutes of entering Walmart - *still choking*

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; don't give a man a fish sandwich and he'll just steal it, lead police on a foot chase, and be charged with a variety of offenses - *now has a fish sandwich bone stuck in her throat, further compounding the need for Heimlich*

Montanans worried about new gun laws hoard ammo so fast that munitions factory is falling behind by 100,000 rounds a day, leaving the most paranoid people in a famously gun-crazed state armed to the teeth. This should end well - *has plenty of ammo, but it does NOTHING for the fish bone*

Man summonsed to court for public drinking charge not allowed to plead guilty because he was drunk. This man has found a loophole - *too ded from asphixiation to enjoy the booze*

I, for one, welcome our new ant overlords - ...

Dell launches "Netbooks for Wymyn" site. Includes phrases such as "Your netbook can do more than deliver juicy celebrity gossip. Did you know it can also find new recipes too? It's true" - ...

CONCLUSION: Braaaaaaaaiiiiinzzzz1...

1 - ZOMBIE TRANSLATION: No more FARK during lunch.